


Heart and soul

by Rivadrea



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Acceptance, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Drunken Shenanigans, Empathy, F/M, Male-Female Friendship, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-08-06 14:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16389788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivadrea/pseuds/Rivadrea
Summary: Riva Trevelyan wakes up from her slumber and tells her story of war, intrigues, strong friendship bonds and how she unexpectedly finds love.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, Rivadrea here! I'm happy to offer you "Heart and soul" and hope you will enjoy reading it. English isn't my first language so there may be mistakes bigger than me and I'm sorry! If you see any, don't hesitate to tell me and I will correct it quickly.
> 
> Also, I wanted to write about Krem, because I find it's a pity that he doesn't get his romance in DA:I so... Here he comes, getting all the love and fluff (and surprises) he deserves, because he's a cinnamon roll who deserves all this.

They were chasing me endlessly, unrelently. They were more and more and I was hearing their strange little noises tracking my steps down. No matter how fast and how far I was running, I could not do it, I could not outrun them. But first, what was I doing here? I was dreaming, I was going to wake up any second now. Maybe when I would get to this tower in front of me. Faster, faster… Without any hesitation, I climbed higher and higher while looking over my shoulder. Under me, under the spiders trailing me, was the weirdest land I had ever seen, where nothing made any sense and where the atmosphere was suffocating, delirious. Suddenly, a light beamed up there. It seemed like it was guiding me, so comforting in this hostile environment. The light was reaching out to me and the more I was approaching, the more my hope of getting out of here alive was growing. I was going to survive, I was going to leave this place safe and sound thanks to this holy presence.

 

I finally grabbed these aurora-like fingers and found myself propelled through a portal. My mind in a daze, I tried to not think too hard as I almost bit the dust when my body hit the ground. Unfortunately, Fate wasn't with me and many questions came to my head when I noticed I was surrounded by soldiers in armor, threatening me with swords and spears. I couldn't utter even a word, tell them I was innocent of whatever crime I was accused of because my vision got blurred and I fell unconscious.

 

* * * * *

 

I woke up heavily from my slumber, face against the cold stone, wrists shackled. Everything was hazy in my head, as the scene before my eyes : guards surrounded me, as if I was a dangerous criminal. What did I do to deserve such an escort? A man standing near the door in front me got out and I waited for a long time in silence, threatened by sharp blades and stares.

 

Suddenly, an intense burning sensation ran through my hand, along with a green light. That was when I noticed a thin scar in the palm of my hand. When did I ever hurt myself? Everything was so confusing, I couldn't recall what had happened… I vaguely remembered that my family had sent me to Haven for Divine Justinia's Conclave, I attended it but after that… Nothing.

 

The door opened brutally, startling me when I was just recovering from the pain, a bit dazed. Two women came in the jail. A redhead with a feline demeanor and the stealthy step of a spy and a dark-haired one, more menacing and brutish. Seeing the last one circling around me made me feel like a prey. Actually, her profile reminded me of an eagle on the lookout, waiting for me to falter.

 

"Give me one reason to not kill you right now. The Conclave burst into flames and everyone there is dead. Except _you_."

 

Maker's breath… I felt a lump in my throat as I heard the news, horrified. I could only stammer some words, mirrors of my thoughts.

 

"You think _I_ did this?"

 

She then grabbed my aching arm and nearly shoved it in my face, as if it was the most dangerous magical artifact. The mark crackled again in my hand, making me writhe in pain.

 

"Explain this, then."

"I can't." I replied immediately with no need to think.

"What do you mean, you can't?"

 

The redhead woman was now turning around me too and I had this strong impression that this was all a joke : I was going to wake up in my bed, somewhere in Thedas during one of my many journeys and realize that it was just a bad dream or a contact with the Fade, showing me strange scenes.

 

"I have no idea what this thing is."

 

Wrong answer, it seemed. The rough woman almost jumped to my throat, ready to tear my head away from my body, for a reason I was beginning to understand through her explanations.

 

"You're lying!"

 

I was the only accused, thus the only culprit in her eyes, I had no doubt anymore. But the other woman, the sweeter redhead - but surely more cunning - took her away from me and didn't even feel the need to hide her words.

 

"We need her, Cassandra."

 

So the unrefined dark-haired one was called Cassandra. Her name and her face had a familiar ring but I couldn't guess why, considering my confusion. Why did they need me if I was accused of destroying the Conclave?

 

"I don't understand… What's happening?" I said in a feeble voice.

 

The other woman, whose name was unknown to me finally spoke to me, asking me if I remembered what occured at the Conclave and how it began. It was both blurry and fresh in my memory so I tried to explain it.

 

"There were these things after me, some kinds of big spiders. I was running, trying to flee and… There was this woman…"

"A woman?" The redhead cut me.

"Yes, a woman. She was reaching out to me and… And…" My mind went blank. What had actually happened? I was trying to search my memories, in vain. Seeing that nothing would come to my mind anymore, Cassandra gave an order to the other woman. Leliana. If I remembered well, Leliana was one of the Heroine of Ferelden's companions.

 

"I will take her to the Breach." finally said the dark-haired one while giving me a serious look.

 

Leliana left the room, leaving me alone with Cassandra. I might have been gifted for the fight but I wasn't capable of retaliating with my hands tied. Moreover, she had her sword and I didn't. They probably had taken it from me. Or did I lose it before? She came near me, not that threatening anymore and I felt it was the right time to ask her :

 

"What really happened back there?"

 

She helped me get up and answered me that it would be easier to see it with my own eyes. The chains binding my wrists fell down with a heavy sound but my hands were still tied with a rope, preventing me from fighting back. In any case, after following Cassandra, I noticed that I was in a camp with many soldiers around : I couldn't have done anything without getting killed or just seriously injured. My eyes were then drawn to the strangely torn sky. It was a huge rift, growing larger every hour, every day and connected to the world of demons, she explained. The Fade. Did I get out of this breach? It would explain the nonsensical world I had seen. And it wasn't the only one caused by the explosion of the Conclave, but this one was the biggest of all. I was mesmerized by this eerie glow it casted upon us but deep down, I felt terrified. I was thinking of what awaited me and what this rupture in the sky meant for me.

 

A pulse of the Breach echoed the scar in my hand, getting me on my knees. I muffled a groan as Cassandra came to my side.

 

"We must hurry and find a way to seal it. It spreads simultaneously with your mark and it's killing you. It could swallow the entire world if we don't stop it." Cassandra pointed to my hand and spoke again. "We think you're the key to seal the Breach and mend the Veil. It's probably the only way."

"Probably?" I asked, unconvinced.

"It's the best thing we can do. Our only chance, actually."

"Fine…"

"So…" began the woman with a glimmer of hope.

"I'll help you as best as I can."

 

Deep down, I was mostly thinking of my own safety but a tearing in the Veil clearly wasn't a good omen. If I could give a hand, literally, I'd do it without a second thought. Cassandra seemed to approve my choice and helped me get up, gentler than before. I felt relieved, knowing that my death wouldn't come from her. I followed her to a door, glared at by civilians and soldiers. In their eyes, I was guilty : I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, there was no proof of my innocence and, as the Seeker said, Divine Justinia had just died. For the Andrastians, I had just committed the worst blasphemy ever. Even though I was Andrastian myself. If I really were guilty of a crime I couldn't even remember, I could understand their hatred. Justinia had organized this Conclave in hope of bringing peace between mages and templars, the great and the good had been invited and probably in a few seconds, everything turned to ashes.

 

Once we passed the heavy door, Cassandra cut the rope around my wrists and promised me a trial. If I don't die before, I thought to myself. Silently, I imitated a priest of the Chantry, kneeled on the great stone bridge we had just crossed : I prayed Andrasté to let me live a bit more.

 

Who knew what awaited me on this path fatally tied to this Breach?


	2. "Herald of Andraste", they said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Riva meets an angry Chantry rat, three advisors and where we learn a bit more about lady Trevelyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here's the first "true" chapter of "Heart and Soul". English is still not my first language and if you see any mistake, don't hestitate to tell me! Enjoy your reading. :)
> 
> P.S. : Baby Cremisius incoming in a bit. He needs to wear his most shining armor so he's still polishing it. ♥

I woke up with a start in a bed. In a true bed… I felt like it was ages ago that I had slept like this. My mind still cloudy with the last strands of slumber, I lied a moment in the sheets, sighing quite happily considering the events. Just three days ago, I was accused of blowing up the Conclave and killing everyone there, then a Chantry priest convicting me. At least I had met people who wanted to believe me. Varric Tethras, the famous author I loved reading. Solas, a bald serious elf and an apostate at that, but still an educated man with great knowledge of the Fade. And finally, Cassandra Pentaghast the Seeker. A strange trio but they seemed nicer than Chancellor Roderick.

 

I sighed again. How I wished to go back to my life of travels in Thedas, my life of singing and dancing for the Antivans merchant princes, for the Orlesian nobles or even for the Dalish elves in their alienages, making their lives a bit more bearable and sweeter… But here I was, in a soft bed, scarred in the palm of my hand but satisfied to feel the life running through my veins.

 

A thin elven woman came into my room, carrying a wooden box in her arms but when she saw me awake, she got startled and fell on her bottom, all panicked. She explained to me that I saved them, that the Breach stopped growing and my mark stopped spreading. Then I couldn't make sense of what she said except that she had to tell Cassandra when I would wake up. In a blink of an eye, she left the package on the ground and ran out of my room. What a hurricane, I thought, amused. Did I look so awful? I stood up, reluctantly leaving the bed and walked to a basin filled with lukewarm water. A mirror was hung above the basin and I finally saw my face. Not as bad as I thought but still. My jet-black hair were messy, my drawn look was not as frightening as the face of a corpse but my icy-blue eyes, my pride, were still sharp. At least my freckles weren't that visible under my olive skin, it meant I was in good health. My twin brother would have said that I was the spitting image of him but less perfect and I'd answer "Sorry for having a battle scar on my cheekbone and my upper lip because of your stupidity." This thought made me laugh and my face finally brightened, fully awake. I missed him, given I had not seen him since I had left for the Conclave but I didn't want to worry him so I had not contacted him yet.

 

Looking by the window, I saw many people gathered outside, apparently waiting for something. It's true that I was hearing some noises since earlier but I wanted to gather my thoughts before going to the Chantry. I didn't know Haven had one before coming here but someone decided to stay here with the troops in the meantime. Probably Commander Rutherford, the one that stood against his Knight-Commander in Kirkwall. I was surprised when I had met him on a battleground near a little rift the other day but it seemed that he came to the South for an unknown reason.

 

When I went out of the house, I got startled by all the people watching me solemnly. The elven servant's words echoed in my mind : I had saved them. Before, I was guilty and now they were thankful… People were fickle when it was about the unknown and their lives. Well, at least they weren't welcoming me with swords and stones. As I walked between all these men and women forming a kind of a guard of honor to the Chantry, I heard gossips and information. Chancellor Roderick was apparently annoying and Cassandra had to be patient. I also caught some men whispering "Herald of Andraste". What a nice title but if I ever failed them, I would be the culprit again. A long sigh crossed my lips as I was thinking of what I would become in the near future. A good woman, I hoped.

 

Upon entering the Chantry, I heard loud voices coming from behind a door, at the end of the hall. I recognized Roderick's and Cassandra's voices, arguing about me. I snickered bitterly before coming into the room. He glared at me, surprised and regained his senses.

 

"I want her chained right now!" he said angrily. "Prepare her for her trial at the capital."

"What the...?"

 

I almost sworn at a Chantry priest but Cassandra came to my rescue and asked him to leave in a harsh tone. I bit my lip and stared at the Seeker, dumbfounded. She was a strong-willed woman and she amazed me, dismissing the Chancellor like this. He threatened her but it wasn't enough because she had a point when saying the Breach was stable but menacing. I couldn't stand still.

 

"You still suspect me, after what I've done?" I asked angrily.

"Yes, you are a suspect." he answered in the same tone.

 

Calm down, Rivanòn. Calm down, I chanted in my head. I wanted to answer but Leliana and Cassandra intervened in my stead.

 

"She's innocent, Chancellor." first said Cassandra.

"She's not the one behind the explosion at the Conclave. It was someone the Divine didn't expect." Leliana continued, staring at Roderick.

 

His self-important expression turned to a shocked one and I smiled internally. Take this, Chantry bureaucrat. I don't know how but since I was young, I could sometimes sense people's feelings and at this moment, I felt his hatred towards me and a slight fear in his look too. I was a mystery and he clearly didn't like that.

 

"You think I'm a suspect and not her?"

"I heard the voices in the temple, Roderick, and Divine Justinia called for her help." answered the Seeker.

"So her survival and the mark on her hand are mere coincidences?" he snarled, clearly displeased with Cassandra's statement.

"The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour."

 

After hearing their argument pointing toward my absolute guilt for Roderick, I couldn't help a whisper. "Blessed the Maker…" If it was really Him saving me, I couldn't stay without a thank to Him and Cassandra and Leliana seemed to believe that too. It was so comforting to hear them both support me. The redhead then told me my mark was the only hope of closing the Breach and the Chancellor vehemently protested. In my opinion, that I didn't voiced, the both of them being the Hands of the Divine, they were probably right about this, even though he didn't agree with it. And Cassandra made him understand by slamming a huge book with a sun engraved on its front cover on the table. I didn't know books could silence men. She pointed at it, under the slit-shaped glare of the Chantrist.

 

"This is a writ from Divine Justinia, giving us the authority to act. And as of now, I declare the Inquisition reborn."

 

Mouth agape, I stared at Cassandra. She seemed dead serious about it and left me dumbfounded. I had read about the first Inquisition, a bloody time to be honest and she wanted to revive it… Hearing her strike her intentions in Roderick's direction, she might have been right. It might have been the only way for them… No, _for us_ to close this Breach threatening the world, because he didn't seem so keen on helping us. With nothing to answer back, the priest left the room, apparently very displeased. Seeker Pentaghast truly was my heroine in this instant.

 

Leliana explained what was the wish of Justinia : to rebuild the Inquisition and find people who would stand against chaos - meaning we would crush the ones creating the said chaos. But we had no leader, no support and thus, we weren't ready at all. I could foresee the challenges ahead, as the two of them could. I was Andrastian but not a great supporter of the Chantry. However, something bothered me.

 

"You want to start a holy war?"

"We're already at war." answered Cassandra. "Look at all these mages and templars fighting against each others. It was unavoidable, but now, we're in the eye of the storm."

"You're right…" I agreed.

 

I knew what I wanted to do but it took me some time to answer. I breathed in and gathered my courage.

 

"I will help you every way I can. I cannot stay in my little shell and turn a blind eye to this mess. Especially if I'm the only one who can close these rifts and the Breach."

 

Cassandra held a hand to me and I grabbed it, shaking it with strength. We were going to need it in the near future, I could already see it.

  


The next weeks, many unknown people came to Haven, after Leliana sent them ravens. Blacksmiths, merchants, alchemists, even an innkeeper. Commander Rutherford began to train his army and every man and woman who wanted to join us and I was made an agent of the Inquisition. I was also introduced to lady Josephine Montilyet, an Antivan ambassador who was going to help our organization's diplomatic effort. She seemed to be a sweet and cultured woman but like Leliana, she was more than that. Intelligent, cunning and gifted with a sharp tongue. A good weapon indeed.

 

Every now and then, I crossed path with Roderick and every time, he seemed more and more dissatisfied with the turn of events. Things were going out of control. Of the Chantry, of course.

 

* * * * *

  


One morning, I was invited to the war table because Leliana had news for us. I met Cassandra near the entrance of the Chantry and we walked together to the table. I was scratching my hand when she asked me :

 

"Does it trouble you?"

"Not really, it's a bit itchy but I'm kinda used to it now. At least, the Breach doesn't pulse every minute. But I'll ask Solas if he has more information on it, I'm really curious about this mark."

"He seemed to know what he was doing when he took care of you when we… When you were in jail, I mean." she hesitated a bit, making me laugh.

"It's ok, I understand you didn't know who I was and if I was dangerous. After all, I stepped out of the Fade after an explosion that blew everything and everyone up."

 

Her lips formed a thin straight line and she answered a bit coldly. "You seem to take this a little too lightly. I know you didn't do it but be careful, there are people here who don't trust you. Especially Roderick and his minions. Mind your words, it's just a friendly advice."

"Thank you, Cassandra, I appreciate it and I'm sorry if I sound too light-hearted about it, but I'd rather laugh than lament for everything that happens." I said sincerely.

 

I knew I was childish and carefree but it was as I said. I wasn't one to cry over spilled milk, it was useless. And those people didn't need this, they needed hope and joy in these dark times. She sighed a bit but changed the subject, saying that Solas believed we could close the Breach in a second attempt but we needed more power, one as powerful as the energy that opened it.

 

"It sounds a bit dangerous but I guess we have no choice, I'm in." Actually, _I_ had no choice, I was the marked one.

 

We then entered the war table room, welcomed by the three advisors already discussing some matters.

 

"Lady Trevelyan, it's good to see you in good health." Josephine began with a warm smile. I already liked this woman and I was happy we were on the same side.

"Lady Montilyet, Sister Nightingale, Commander Rutherford, it's good to see you too. I've noticed many people have joined us these days, it gives me hope for the future." I answered in the same tone.

"Indeed, but they're here because of you, the Herald of Andraste. You saved them from the Breach. Many of the men under my command talk about you." Cullen said.

 

I felt touched, seeing how they were comforting me, even though I was the culprit a few days ago. But we had more urgent matters and Cassandra reminded us all.

 

"Talking about the Breach, I said earlier we needed more power to close it…"

"Meaning we have to approach the rebel mages." Leliana cut Cassandra, followed by Cullen :

"No, we have to contact the Templars. I cannot trust rebels."

"But pouring enough magic in the Breach could…" the Seeker began.

"Destroy everything and everyone, like what happened at the Conclave." the only man here attacked. "Templars can weaken the Breach."

"What proof do you have?" asked Leliana.

"You know _I_ was a templar, I know what they're capable of."

 

Listening to them reminded me of a quarrel between children : they didn't give others any time to offer arguments and to speak like educated adults. Fortunately, the serious and mature Josephine interrupted their playtime by settling the issue at hand.

 

"Neither of them want to speak with us yet anyway. The Chantry denounced the Inquisition and especially you. Some are calling you the "Herald of Andraste" and that frightens them. An envoy from the Maker himself, they'd be discredited. Thus the remaining clerics have declared this a blasphemy and _we_ are heretics because we're sheltering you."

 

I raised a brow hearing this. "Nice, I'm still guilty in their eyes."

"Probably Chancellor Roderick's doing." Cassandra said.

"Yeah, I guess."

 

I didn't wish anyone's death but I prefered snakes without their tongue, at least they couldn't whisper in the shadows and sense their prey either. He was a sneaky little rat and I really didn't like him. Rat, snake, actually it didn't matter.

 

"Thanks to him, we have limited options for now. We cannot approach neither the mages nor the templars."

 

Something bothered me since I woke up earlier, when hearing all those people worship me, giving me this holy title.

 

"By the way, it's out of context but why are they calling me the Herald of Andraste?"

"Some saw you at the Breach, when you stopped it from growing any larger. They heard there was a woman with you in here and they believe it was Andraste herself, saving you from a certain death." Cassandra explained to me.

"Even if we tried to stop it from spreading…" Leliana tried to say.

"Which we have not." the Seeker went again.  


I saw the spymaster's irritated stare, not answering anything. I knew what they both meant by it but the former had to explain it to me.  


"Everyone is talking about you and word spreads really fast."

"It's a title a bit too holy for a simple noble like me but I quite like it. I doubt Andraste really was with me back there but someone did save me and if people want to believe in this, who am I to take this ray of hope from them?"

"It's exactly like that. They need a sign of hope. Any sign, and you are, now."

"But to some, you're a glint of destruction and change." Josephine argued.

"Yeah, the Chantry doesn't quite like change. I'm sorry for saying that, Cassandra and Leliana but they like order, at any price. But the fact that they doesn't seem to worry about the Breach is troubling me."  


Cullen snickered at the beginning of my remark and answered at the end.  


"I hope they'll come to it and quickly. For now we can't do anything against them."

"Actually, we can do something." Leliana began. "Someone has asked to speak to you. A cleric named Mother Giselle. She could be a valuable ally and is not far from here."

"A Chantry priestess? I'll see what she has to say."

"She is located in the Hinterlands, tending to the wounded near Redcliffe."  


I was a bit reluctant, talking to someone from the very group who wanted the Inquisition down. At least, she was willing to speak with us and Leliana would have said something if this woman thought we really were heretics. I wanted to give everyone a chance.  


"If you can, find a way to expand the Inquisition's influence there." Cullen said.

"We need agents everywhere and beginning in the Hinterlands is a good idea. You should recruit them, you're well suited to do that." Josephine followed.

"I'll do what I can to make the Inquisition stronger, you can count on me." I answered with a confident smile.  


 

We then studied a great map of Thedas and a little one of the Hinterlands that Cullen had handed to me. I was going to need it, since I went there ages ago and the paths were treacherous. Josephine and our commander explained to me that it was the battleground for rebel mages and former templars, so we had to watch our backs anywhere we were going. I laughed internally : what a mess I had to take care of, and I was one of the causes of it! I totally deserved to do all this and I still believe it was the Maker's doing.


	3. A compassionate woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Crem but... He's coming in a bit. :D
> 
> Enjoy your reading. ♥

A few days before departing for the Hinterlands, we received words from scout Harding, saying the situation was worse than we had imagined and that Mother Giselle refused to leave the refugees without knowing they were safe. Well, at least she was a righteous woman for this. Our journey to the Hinterlands was not very calm, we met many apostates and templars trying to kill us, never listening to us. Even the name "Inquisition" didn't make them react. Or yes, they reacted but in a wrong way. I didn't like to kill for no reason so I tried to just knock them out but Cassandra had told me that they were a threat to everyone, so we had to neutralize them for good. 

  
  


I was gazing at the scenery when we arrived in the Hinterlands. It was really green and seemed so peaceful, compared to the reality. Mages and templars were everywhere, in every bush, behind every rock, attacking blindly. I understood why Mother Giselle wanted the refugees to be safe and we had to do something quickly. I also hoped we were going to find the horse-master Dennet, we needed new horses for the Inquisition and because ours were tired from the long travel from Haven.

 

In the distance, I saw a scout waving at us. We weren't far from the camp, I guessed. We hurried towards him as Cassandra warned us.

 

"It may be an elaborate trap, let's be careful."

"You see everything as a trap, Seeker." joked Varric.

 

She made a disgusted noise but I agreed with both of them. Solas didn't say a word but I saw him lightly smiling as he was scanning the path with a sharp stare. He was thinking the same as us. Fortunately, I recognized the scout as we approached him. I couldn't recall his name but I saw him arriving at Haven around three weeks ago. He came to greet us with a smile.

 

"Good day to you. Scout Harding told me to meet you here and lead you to the camp where Mother Giselle is. The path isn't that difficult but she insisted, so here I am."

"It's nice of her, thank you for leading us." I said with a little bow, up on my horse.

 

He seemed surprised when I thanked him like this. He was actually a Dalish and maybe he wasn't used to being respected. I smiled at him but he looked more and more confused, as were my companions.

 

"I can't smile to a nice person?" I asked, maybe a bit too harshly.

"It's not that, lady Trevelyan, but people doesn't expect another to be so respectful of an Elven." Solas answered with his calm voice.

"I know, and I'm sorry if I unsettled you, uhm… Sorry, I didn't catch your name. I'm not prejudiced against your people. It's not because you have a different culture and pointy ears - which I find really cute, just saying, - that I should chastise you. Don't worry about it and speak freely."

 

The scout looked me in awe and had a hard time dealing with all this. I felt like I had said the most shocking thing ever but eh, I educated myself like this. He then regained his senses and bowed deeply before me. It was my turn to be confused and embarrassed.

 

"I humbly thank you for the respect you have for me and my people. My name is Elathen and I'm happy you asked."

 

Haha. I laughed nervously internally but it was so strong that everyone heard.

 

"No need to thank me, really. It's just the way I am and I don't want you to feel pressured or upset or anything. It's… Well, for me, it's normal to greet, thank and be polite with anyone, be it an elf, an elderly or anyone. Aaanyway… We should hurry to meet Mother Giselle, I don't want useless deaths and I don't want to fall in a trap either. Sorry everyone for this." I apologized quickly to my companions.

"It doesn't matter, you impressed me." Cassandra said as she began to follow Elathen.

"I agree with the Seeker." followed Solas with a smile.

 

Please Varric, don't, I thought.

 

"Yeah, me too. I didn't expect a noble to be so understanding and humble." he laughed.

"What?! Thank you for your kindness, master Tethras. You should write a poem about me, then!"

 

He laughed louder than before and shrugged, like it wasn't his fault. I liked his humour and even if I was a bit vexed, I followed him, as were Cassandra and Solas. I didn't expect them to laugh at one of Varric's jokes but it was a good thing they did. It kind of lifted the heavy atmosphere we had during the travel from Haven. I silently thanked Elathen for his appearance and behaviour.

  
  


We arrived at the camp unscathed and I hardly hold a sigh of relief when I dismounted. My bottom hurt like crazy and I massaged it a bit before stretching my legs. It was such a good feeling… Nearly after, a Chantry priestess came to us. She was the only one around here, among our agents and soldiers.

 

"Mother Giselle, I assume?" I asked.

"I am indeed, and you must be lady Rivanòn Trevelyan with master Tethras, lady Pentaghast and…" Her eyes fell upon Solas.

"Solas, mage of the Fade." He simply answered.

 

She didn't seem the least bit startled by this title. Actually, she had a sweet look -  and a strong Orlesian accent, - the one of a loving mother. Not one from the Chantry, a mother looking at her children. It moved me but I had to be cautious about who to trust. The strange trio went to a tent and I followed mother Giselle along a paved path.

 

"You asked us to come here?" I began.

"Indeed. I know of your situation and the Chantry's conviction. I know some of those who accused you, they're hoping to gain influence to become the new Divine."

"Oh charming, a race for power and politics. Exactly what I fled from."

"Don't misunderstand. Some are simply terrified by what happened and you're the source of their fear. They don't understand, it can make us desperate, hopefully not beyond reason. So make them understand, show them you are not a demon they have to be afraid of."

"Easier said than done, Mother. I'll do what I can but these clerics may be thick-headed, they may refuse to see me for who I am. A mere victim of a huge incident who was at the wrong place, at the wrong time."

"I know, my child, but you need not to convince them all. Just make some of them doubt. Their power lies in their unified voice. Take this from them and you receive the greatly needed time."

 

I stayed silent for a moment, observing the camp, the Breach in the sky, the refugees… We had no other choice, we had to do something even if it was not efficient enough.

 

"Thank you, Mother Giselle. Thank you for doing all this."

 

She then warned me about my power, the one my title granted me. I was the embodiment of hope and people would listen to my rallying call. With this army, I could build either a delivering or a destructive force. By hearing this, I shuddered a bit. It was so foreboding but she was right… I didn't want to recreate an old Inquisition and a new bloody era.

 

"I will go to Haven and meet sister Leliana to give her the names of those who would be amenable to a gathering. It is not much but I will help as much as I can."

"Don't say that, it's a little step but it is an important one. The Chantry declared us heretics, we are not trustworthy in the eyes of many people right now. If we could rally some clerics to our cause, we could gain more credibility."

 

Mother Giselle smiled and before coming back to her wounded refugees, she said one last thing :

 

"You seem to be a sympathetic and pondered woman, it is good that  _ you _ are the Herald and not a blood-thirsty person."

"Uhm… Thank you?"

"I will see you at Haven, Herald, be careful in the Hinterlands."

"I will. I pray for your safety on the way to Haven, revered Mother."

 

She tilted her head and walked away from me. I was often told I was a compassionate woman but pondered… I had to be in this situation but oftentimes, I was just being my childish and spontaneous self.

 

I stood up alone for a while, reflecting on what she had said to me. People passed by all around me but I was too focused, looking in the vague. Many thoughts were coming to my mind, like quick meanders in a river. About the Breach, about the Chantry, how I missed my brother and my entertaining company… But a hand on my shoulder put a stop to these, making me jump. I turned and saw Solas at my side.

 

"Maker's breath, Solas, you startled me!"

"I'm sorry my lady, but you were deep in thoughts and weren't answering to my call." he answered.

"Oh… Sorry, then. Did you need something?"

 

I noticed he was smiling a bit, probably because he saw me all embarrassed. At times, he seemed really serious but right now, he was mocking me! I engraved this memory in my head, smiling as well.

 

"The Seeker went to speak with a man named Vale. A corporal, if I remember correctly. He said that the refugees here are in dire need of help and if the war doesn't kill them, cold or starvation will." Solas said.

"I can imagine, seeing the situation here… Poor people, engulfed in the midst of a stupid war between mages and templars."

 

I saw the elf raising a brow and felt like he needed an explanation.

 

"I may be swinging a sword and a shield but I don't really like war and death. I don't really remember the peaceful times back when I was a child but I wish we could go back to this era… Sorry, I am rambling."

"It is alright, I can understand your wish. By the way, I couldn't help but hear what the Chantry mother said to you when she parted from you earlier."

"Which part?" I asked, genuinely curious and still a bit embarrassed.

"The compassionate part. I haven't known you for a long time but I agree with her, you seem to feel many things we do not."

 

I blushed a bit, not used to receive compliments like this. It was my "raise your self-esteem" day, it seemed. But I was also surprised he could sense it. What else had he sensed?

 

"Oh… Erm… Thank you. I… Don't really know how to react to this?" I laughed nervously. "You're right. Sometimes, I am sensitive to someone's feelings. Strong emotions, mainly. Even without hearing or seeing him, I can sense Roderick's hatred, for example."

 

Solas sneered a bit at my words, so did I.

 

"Actually, it's not a super power I have. Everyone can guess how he hates every one of us, even Cassandra." I said while shrugging.

"I was thinking the same, but it's an impressive ability you have. It must be useful sometimes."

"Yes, but not every time, unfortunately."

"I see. Anyway, the corporal said some refugees had ideas on how to save the others from cold and hunger. We should find lady Pentaghast and Varric." Solas said, all serious again.

"We should indeed." I began to walk to where he last saw them and I turned towards him. "Oh, by the way, when we go back to Haven, I really would like to hear your stories about the Fade. Knowing a dreamer makes me very curious."

"You seem to know some things about the Fade, lady Trevelyan." He seemed surprised and stopped for a bit before following me again.

"I read, you know. Again, it is not because I have a sword that I'm a stupid warrior. Actually, I'd rather attack people with books than swords, it would make them less stupid and more cultured, but books are precious so I don't."

"Well… I didn't picture you like the scholar-type, I admit. It would be my pleasure to tell you what I have seen in my dreams."

 

I almost jumped in joy with shining eyes when he said that but I hardly held back. After all, I was a "pondered woman". I couldn't wait to go back to Haven to hear about his dreams of the Fade. I had always heard about these  _ somniari _ , these dreamers but had never met one.

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


After meeting with Cassandra and Varric, we rested from our journey and the next day, we left the camp to roam around. I let our skilled crossbowman and our mage hunt some rams for the refugees then the Seeker and I dragged their carcasses back to the camp. We met mages and templars we had to kill, for most of them. I could not understand why it was impossible to reason them, especially templars. We also met with the horse-master Dennet and had to negotiate with him. The region was indeed really dangerous and he did not want to leave with us before knowing the farms were safe. Unfortunately, I knew it was impossible for the region to be totally secured but I promised him to discuss with Cullen when we were going to go back to Haven and see if he had any solution, like garrisons or just watchtowers. Wolves were natural threats here, rebellious staff-wielders and crazy sword-swingers weren't and we had to do something.

 

We stayed for about two weeks in the Hinterlands, helping the refugees, tracking down the core of rebels and former templars to secure the roads and first and foremost, we sealed the rifts which appeared here and there. We made sure to leave some troops in the camps across the area and left for Haven. There, I had a meeting with Cullen about the security around Redcliffe farms and I sent a message to Dennet, to inform him we were going to deploy watchtowers. He joined us two week later with some horses. More were going to come after, he said.

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


I knew we had to go to Val Royeaux but I wasn't in the least bit hasty.  I could foresee what was going to happen : everyone looking at us like we were a monstrous group. Actually, when I had went there with my company, the nobles were quite welcoming in front of us. Behind their masks, I had read some mockery but I couldn't have cared less. All they thought about was their tiring and dangerous - and stupid - Game.

 

I whined a bit on the road to Orlais and I specifically asked that we didn't take a boat. Varric laughed at me when I explained I had seasickness, especially when I had had to cross the Waking Sea to come in Ferelden.

 

"I crossed it only a few times, because I'm a traveller but we mainly journey by land."

"You seem to travel a lot, Herald." noticed Cassandra.

"Indeed, I don't remember if I told you - or if Leliana did, actually, - but I belong to a touring company, so we go from cities to cities to entertain people. It is really enriching, we discover new cultures, we meet many different people… And sometimes bad ones!" I laughed.

 

Solas and Cassandra seemed confused as I was explaining my job.

 

"But… Aren't you a noble?" she asked.

"Yes, I am. It's a… It's a long story and I don't want to darken the mood. Let's just say I'm one of these exuberant nobles who want to do something really different from their pretty, easy life. I am from noble lineage, right, but I don't want to be seen as a pompous little maid."

"Well, seeing you with a mail armor, a sharp sword at your waist and a shield on your back, it is hard to tell you're a noble, m'lady." answered Varric. "And did I forget this little mud stain on your cheek?"

"Dammit Varric, sometimes I feel like I'm hearing my brother when you taunt me like this."

"Heh, happy to remind you of him."

 

I shrugged, smiling. Solas had stayed silent the whole time but I saw him listening. He was a taciturn companion but it made every word he said kind of precious.

  
  


Our time in Val Royeaux was quite short, compared to the time in the Hinterlands. Actually, we took more time to travel than our stay there. We were not influential enough to negotiate with the Orlesians yet. We just got ridiculed by a Chantry priestess and threatened by the lord-Seeker Lucius. I had never met him but I had imagined him more polite. When confronting him, I felt like I was talking to a snake. Even Cassandra admitted she was surprised to see how he behaved. Convincing the Templars was going to be a tough task... 

 

The most positive events actually happened when we wanted to leave the capital. We were invited by a certain Madame de Fer to a little party, Varric almost took an arrow in the knee - where a message of "Red Jenny" was attached, - and the Grand Enchanter Fiona met with us. She was the leader of the rebel mages, since the Circle of Magi had been dissolved. Cassandra advised me to not trust her but the mages had the power to help us close the Breach, I could not close a door like this. She invited us to Redcliffe, where the mages took refuge, to discuss about their hypothetical help. Well, I was more prone to trust her than Lucius, because what she said was true : he didn't seemed in the least bit sad or even sorry for all the losses at the Conclave. Maybe it was my compassion blurring my reason but between a venomous snake and a mage rebelling against the Chantry for good reasons - in my opinion, - my choice was already pretty clear. But I didn't say it straight away, I had to nurture the thought before.

  
  


And finally, I left Val Royeaux after recruiting Sera, also named Red Jenny. Or she was the leader of "Red Jenny", I didn't really understand but she was the one who contacted us. On our way back to Haven, we also brought back Vivienne de Fer, the First Enchanter of Montsimmard and personal enchanter and adviser to Empress Celene. Such a person was a boost to the Inquisition's influence, we needed her.

 

This is how the core of the Inquisition grew larger for the first time and not the last.


	4. Meeting the Chargers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Riva blushes like a maiden, she meets a cow-horned man and his company and makes a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Krem appears like a wild Pokemon! Enjoy your reading. :) (And again, sorry for the mistakes haha!)

I had just came back from Val Royeaux with no time to rest, but we still held a small council in the Chantry hall with Cassandra and the three advisors. We had to discuss what we saw in the capital when it was fresh in our mind and, I admit, we needed further advice on how to proceed next. Mages or templars? Instability and rebellion or an disordered Order? The Seeker and the Commander wanted to contact the Templars while Leliana and Josephine wanted to rally the mages to our cause. Wonderful! Two on each side, I was the only one left to decide.

"I'd rather side with the mages. They may not be stable, as you fear, Cullen, but we could watch over them." I said.

"We are not their nannies, Herald. And I gave up on the Order for a reason." harshly answered the Commander.

"I can guess, yes. Either way, we have to decide and, sorry for saying this but I am not really fond of the Order. They are indeed a force we can't ignore but I feel mages would be a better choice."

"I kind of agree with the Herald, Commander. By our side, we could repress the rebellion if needed." intervened Josephine.

Cullen scowled but sighed.

 

"Well, I will trust your instincts, lady Trevelyan. Don't make me regret this later."

"I know you don't really approve of this. Actually, when we were in the Hinterlands, I heard some rumours about the mages in Redcliffe and Grand Enchanter Fiona invited us there. We should at least see what they have to say and decide who to side with after this. I am not as dumb to decide based on instincts alone." I explained as softly as I could.

"I…" He began. "You are right, I am sorry. I vented my anger and fears on you."

"Don't worry about it, we are all tensed about this." I said with a smile.

"Lady Trevelyan is right, we should rest as long as we can. I foresee a storm coming and by the Maker, I hope I am wrong." prayed Leliana.

 

After this little council, we parted on a bittersweet note. I understood Cullen's point of view, even if I didn't know everything about his past but I was more keen on siding with the mages and I too had my reasons. I had almost left the Chantry but a voice behind me held me in my tracks. It was Leliana's. She wanted me to know her agents had heard of Grey Wardens vanishing both in Orlais and in Ferelden and one Warden was spotted in the Hinterlands, a man named Blackwall. She advised me to search for him if we wanted answers. I couldn't agree more on this : it was a weird timing, considering the recent events. With each passing days and each news, I was afraid that it was a bigger machination than we had imagined.

 

I needed some time alone, to rest my thoughts, my soul and my body. I still wanted to talk with Solas about his dreams in the Fade or with Varric about his books but not at this moment. I left the Chantry and walked for a bit but someone called out to me.

 

"Excuse me but have you got any time? I have a message to deliver but no one has time to spare."

 

I turned to see who dared to disturb my awaited sleep and faced a young man I had never seen around. A handsome one, at that. I felt so confused I blabbered some incomprehensible words. What the heck is happening to you, Riva? I thought to myself.

 

"Are you alright, my lady? You're a bit red." he asked.  


Yes, you startled me, you're a feast for my eyes and I can't even be angry at the fact you're delaying my rest, I thought again. I coughed a bit and finally answered properly with an awkward smile.  


"Yes, I am now, thank you. May I know who you are, soldier?"  


He seemed a bit relieved and regain a firm composure, so did I.  


"My name is Cremisius Aclassi, with the Bull's Chargers company. We mostly work out of Orlais and Nevarra. We heard of some Tevinter mercenaries on the Storm Coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge."  


The Bull's Chargers? I raised an eyebrow when hearing this. I had heard bits and pieces about these mercenaries back when I was in Orlais for business. The last part made me giggle a bit.

  
"Free of charge? How generous of him! Well, any helping sword is welcomed."  


He responded to my laugh with a little smile.  


"If you wish to see how the Charge works and what we can do for the Inquisition, meet us there."

"I'm looking forward to meet this Iron Bull then."

"We're the best you'll find. Come to the Storm Coast and you will see us in action."  


Boasting, aren't we? I smiled and teased him a bit.  


"The best, really? We will see at the Storm Coast then. I can't wait to cross swords at your side, Cremisius Aclassi."  


His name didn't sound orlesian or fereldan… I was curious about this guy now. I had to meet this company.  


"So do I, Herald of Andraste." he said while bowing his head.

"You knew?" I asked with round eyes.

"News spread fast and to be honest, I asked for you around Haven. I thought you would be more willing to listen to me than anyone here."

"Well, you're a cunning man but at least, I heard you out!" I joked. "Go and tell your commander we will come as fast as we can. But first, if you will excuse me, I really need to sleep and I don't want to faint here in front of everyone."

"It would be terrible, indeed. Then, see you at the Storm Coast, my lady. I will bring the news of your upcoming arrival with me."  


Cremisius bowed again and turned his back to me. I stood where I was for a while, watching his silhouette in the distance and when he disappeared from my view, I finally regained my senses. What a charming man he was. And this thought surprised me again. I wasn't one to care about relationships and men. Or women. I had always lived my life as I wanted and even if I had found people beautiful, none of them had had this effect on me yet : I had never behaved like a little enamoured maiden in front of the first guy coming in her view, dammit! It was a first and this fact disturbed me a lot. I went to my bedroom with this on my mind and even if it weighed a bit, I instantly fell asleep.

 

* * * * *

 

Sitting cross-legged on a rock, I was basking in the sun and meditating when a soldier came to me. I really didn't want to hear anyone but the little rascal insisted with a strong fereldan accent and I opened an eye to look at him.  


"I'm sorry to bother ya when yer resting, Herald, but lady Pentaghast said they're almost ready to go."  


He squinted, apparently frightened of my reaction but I opened the other eye and unfolded my legs to stand up. I patted his shoulder with a little laugh.  


"Hey, don't worry, I won't make you explode just because you interrupted my meditation, you know?"

"But… You didn't want to open your eyes, my lady. I thought... "

"An order is an order and you should be more afraid of Cassandra's wrath than mine. Or not, but anyway, thank you. I'll get ready."  


He bowed his head a little and went back to his duties. I stretched and yawned for a long time and finally went to my room. I put on a white shirt, a thin chain-mail and above it, a leather armor, especially made by Harritt, our blacksmith. I had asked him to make me something fitted to my fighting style : it had to be easy to move with and a bit stylish too. The last request was totally selfish but he did a wonderful work. A masterpiece, even. We had tested it numerous times to adjust every little part and even if Harritt had said it would have been better with some heavy parts, he gave up when seeing how I moved in battle. I had a peculiar style that startled many of our warriors here, including Cullen and Cassandra : flexible, flowing and accurate. Varric had even compared me to a mountain river after the snow melted when he'd seen me fighting for the first time. Well, I had worked on my style since I was little with my brother, after all.

 

Before getting out of the house, I tied my hair in a bun and finally, I was ready to go to the Storm Coast. I couldn't help being all giddy. I felt really impatient, I wanted to meet this mercenary company, its commander and see Cremisius again, ask him from where he was and all. Again, I found myself like a maiden and I sighed.  


"Someone wanted to stay here?" teased Varric with a grin.

"On the contrary, Varric! But I was thinking of something that upset me every time." I answered.

"Ho-oh, what is upsetting our sweet Riva?" asked Sera.

"I… Don't want to talk about it, sorry. When I sort my thoughts, maybe I'll share it with you."  
  
She laughed in her peculiar way and hit me in the back as if we were two men. I liked that about her : she wasn't the kind of woman to worry about who I was or if I had a mark in the palm of my hand that caused an explosion at a peace meeting. Since her arrival, I had spent a lot of time with her because I could be the childish me, not a war commander or a Maker's messenger.

 

Vivienne had to stay here to study some things with Josephine but Cassandra and Solas joined us three at the gates. It was just one more person with us but I was happy, because it reminded me of my company. The more, the merrier.

 

We then began a three-weeks travel to the north of Ferelden. Thanks to this, I could see Lake Calenhad where the Heroine of Ferelden went, in her journey to fight the Fifth Blight. It was just a big body of water with the former Circle near it but it moved me. I was walking in the steps of a great woman and I hoped I could be as great as her. Except for a pack of wolves and the bickering between Sera and Solas about elves, we didn't encounter any obstacle and the travel went smoothly. But upon arriving at the Storm Coast, we saw dark clouds on the horizon and we all guessed this area was called like this for a good reason. Maker… I didn't want to fight in the rain but we had to.  
  
Before patrolling the coast and searching for the Chargers, we stopped at a camp to rest from the trip and met with Scout Harding. Elathen wasn't around but oh well. She kept us informed on the whereabouts of Iron Bull and his company and also warned us about a group of bandits. The blades of Hessarian. Hessarian was the Tevinter archon who ordered Andraste's death by fire, what would some bandits do with this name? Surely not spreading the Chant of Light in peace and love.  
  
The next day, we were all ready to meet the Bull's Chargers. They were near the location Harding had told us, on the shore near a cave but they were already fighting against what I supposed were Tevinter bandits. No time to lose, I had promised Cremisius we would cross swords against our enemies.

 

The bandits were around fifteen but more were coming in the back of the Chargers. I dismounted and ran towards them, sword in hand and faced a masked man. He was apparently so startled by our arrival he didn't move even a finger. I beheaded him without a thought and moved on to the next.

 

"Nice to see you, Herald!" called Cremisius in a happy tone.

"We're finally here, sorry to keep you waiting!" I answered in the same way.

 

I heard a big laugh from the tall Qunari in the middle of the battle. He was swinging a battle axe, mowing Tevinters like rotten grass. He didn't say a word but he seemed amused by my answer.

 

An enemy threw himself at me with his sword high above his head when I wasn't watching. Wrong move, pal. His belly was totally defenceless so I only had to sliced it. Blood gushed out of his open trunk right on my face but I couldn't care less. I was no princess nor a noble at this very moment, I was a warrior fighting for my life. At the last moment, I saw a Tevinter pointing his sword at me and I rolled forward to dodge it. He was tougher than the two I had to fight and it took me some moves and scratches to take him down. He was still moving, squirming like a worm on the ground so I had to give the finishing blow if I didn't want him to surprise us later. My blade in his throat and a little spin and he was dead. That was when a big man swung his warhammer towards me. In a few milliseconds, the air around my torso - where he was aiming - vibrated a tiny bit and I threw myself on the ground, near the corpse I had just killed. I was hoping nobody sensed what I had just done… But I had no time to worry : the crazy hammer dude swung his hammer again and I just had a tiny moment to roll on my side to duck it. I heard Cassandra call my name but I was too focused on my enemy . He repeated the same move brainlessly and when I had enough of rolling, I came back on my feet with a push on my back and my hands with a feline agility. This was why I needed a light, adjusted armor and it proved useful. I was going to strike the man in front of me when I heard a loud "thunk" and saw his head crushed by another warhammer. My heart was already beating like crazy and it leaped even more when the big Tevinter fell on earth and Cremisius appeared behind him. My legs gave up and before I knew it, I was sitting in the mud, covered in blood and rain.

 

"Maker's breath… Thank you, I owe you one." I said, out of breath.

"A pint of ale, then. You alright?" he asked, in the same state as me.

"I think? You saved me from becoming a mashed potato, so I guess I'm fine, except for a few wounds."

"A mashed potato? Well… I'm happy you're in one piece then." he said in a weird tone.

 

What? I didn't understand what he meant and I couldn't even ask because a deep voice interrupted us, followed by happy shouts. It was the Qunari, surely Iron Bull. Cremisius reached out to me and I took his hand wrapped in a gauntlet. He had a firm grip so I could easily go back on my feet. I sighed for a long time and the horned man came to meet me.

 

"You're a brave warrior, Herald, I give you that. Didn't know you had it in you. Krem here described you as an elegant woman, I thought you would be less… You know?"

"Yeaaah… Thank you for your compliment." I rolled my eyes, used to these comments.

 

Before I could say anything more, he followed :

 

"Anyway, I'm the Iron Bull, boss of the Chargers. And Cremisius here is my lieutenant. By the way Krem, how'd we do?"

"Only a few wounded, no dead."

"That's what I like to hear. Let the throatcutters finish the job and break out the casks after this."

 

Cremisius nodded and walked away to give the orders. I watched him, thinking about his description of me and then reported my attention to Iron Bull. I silently followed him, watching his muscled and bare back and shoulders, only covered by a strip of leather. He was truly impressive and he would have been, even without the two big horns pointing out from his head. I wasn't a tall woman but in comparison, I felt really tiny… When he sat, I stopped observing and walking.

 

"I'm glad you could make it. Have a seat, drinks are coming."

"Nice, my throat was itching a bit! And well, the road was pretty clear, coming from Haven. But I didn't expect Tevinters to come here in a large number." I answered without sitting.

 

I put back my wild hair behind my ears, now that they weren't tied in my bun anymore and noticed Cremisius coming back.

 

"The throatcutters are done, boss."

"Already? Make them check again, just to be sure. Don't want some Vints bastards to take us by surprise. No offense, Krem."

"I checked mine, if it eases your mind. I never let an enemy alive, even if I don't like to kill. I quite like being alive, you see." I said with a smile.

"None taken. At least a bastard knows who his mother was." Cremisius said with a smirk.

 

Once again, I stared at his back as he came back to his duties but Iron Bull's voice woke me up.

 

"You've seen us fight. We're expensive, but we're worth it. And I'm sure the Inquisition can afford us."

 

I raised a brow, wondering. "How much is this going to cost me exactly?"

"Except a few drinks, it won't cost you anything personally. I will negotiate with your ambassador, Josephine. The gold will take care of itself, but be sure we're worth it."

"Indeed, I saw that. I'm glad your company haven't suffered any loss in the fight."

"They are capable guys, don't worry about them." he said with confidence.

"I'm not worried about their capability, but it's kinda my duty to worry about our troops, you know."

"You mean…"

"You're hired, welcome to the Inquisition!"

"Well, you don't get only the guys, you get me too. You need a frontline bodyguard and I'm your man. Be it demons or dragons, I'm in."

 

I didn't even think of fighting dragons but the thought lighted my eyes.

 

"Really? Dragons? I've never fought any big girls like this but if push comes to the shove, I'd be happy to have you by my side."

"Ha! I already like you, Herald!" he laughed.

 

I heard a scream in the back, coming from Sera.

 

"And I already like you too, big man with cow horns!"

"Darn… Ehm… Well, I'll introduce you to the team later but this yelling elf here is Sera, an excellent bowman."

"You have quite the company too, I see. But I also have to tell you something important. Might be useful, might piss you off."

"Yeaaah…?" I waited, a bit worried.

"Ever hear of the Ben-Hassrath?"

 

I looked at him with round eyes. Roughly speaking, it was a Qunari group of spies, I didn't know more about them.

 

"Yes, I've heard about them, more or less. If you ask, I suppose you're one of them?"

"They're… _We're_ an order handling information, loyalty, security. Basically, spies. So yes, I'm one of them. The Ben-Hassrath are concerned about the Breach. Magic out of control could cause trouble everywhere."

"I can't disagree on this point. And your real role in all this?"

"They asked me to join the Inquisition, get close to the ones in charge and send them reports on what's happening."

 

In a word, spying on us. I pursed my lips but didn't say a thing, feeling he didn't finish what he wanted to say.

 

"But I also get reports from our agents all over Orlais. I can share them with you and your people."

 

I relaxed when I heard the last part. It was beneficial for us, even if I doubted the Qunari's methods. At least, it was dumb to say but he seemed friendly.

 

"Even after hearing this and even if I can't help but be unsettled, you're in!"

"We won't disappoint you, you'll see." he said with a wry smile.

"Funny thing, your lieutenant told me the same thing when he came to meet me."

"Ha! He's a good man and a good fighter. Speaking of which… Krem!" Bull yelled. "Tell the men to drink on the road, we just got hired!"

 

They bickered like a pair of children about casks opened with axes and Tevinter's blood magic, confirming my intuition on Cremisius' origins. A Qunari and a Tevinter… It was a weird association but they seemed to get along really well.

 

Before returning to Haven with the Chargers, we made a quick stop at the first camp we rested before so Cassandra and I could give some orders and news on the situation with the blades of Hessarian. We were going to come back later but first, we needed to accompany our new comrades so we asked for some troops to spread across the Storm Coast and establish advance camp to watch the areas.

 

On the road to Haven, I hoped nobody would talk about the fight we had on the shore. Unfortunately, the Chargers bragged about it for a good while and it was enough to trigger conversations about it. I pretended not to care and chatted with Solas but Iron Bull called me and I couldn't help turning my head to listen to him.

 

"Krem totally saved your ass back there! But you were impressive too, reacting so fast."

"Reacting? Fleeing because I couldn't do anything else, you mean? I threw myself and scratched my belly, then evaded the dude's hammer."

"I was watching you and you seem good at evading during a fight, Herald. I like your style, fluid and all."

"Varric says she's a flowing river." added Sera.

"I… Well, it's not evading, it's being flexible but you're right."

 

They didn't seem to have felt what I had done during the battle and Cassandra didn't utter a word about this, just looking far on the horizon on her horse, in front of us. I silently thanked Andraste and they kept talking about the fight, so I resumed my discussion with Solas.

 

The journey back to Haven was less peaceful, thanks to the merry Chargers but it felt good to laugh with them. It reminded me of my company, which I missed very much.


	5. To my merry companions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the long publishing delay, I'm working again and I don't really have a good timetable. This chapter is off DA:I's story but I wanted to introduce Riva a bit more (and reaaaally wanted to write about her entertaining skills.) I hope you will enjoy it and as always, feel free to point my mistakes or just say if you enjoyed it!

"What the hell? I can't even lift it!"

I was on the training ground with Iron Bull because I asked him to teach me how to wield a battle axe. He laughed joyfully while I was pestering at his own weapon.

"Well, Herald, it's far too heavy for you. I'm a Qunari, you're a tiny human. You can't lift an axe this big with your little arms."  
"I may be a bit small and not as bulky as you but I'm swifter than you with my needle. I'm an artist, you're a butcher. Or a lumberjack." I said, glaring at him.  
"Haha! A bit small? Sera is small. You're tiny. But it's ok, boss, it's what makes you charming. I remember a time in Orlais, a woman even smaller than you wanted to have sex with me and…" Bull began.  
"Stop right now! I don't want to hear anymore than this, thanks but no thanks." I cut him with my hands on my ears.

He laughed louder than before and patted my head with his big hand. Krem arrived at these words and joined him.

"Yeah, yeah, mock me while you still can, you dorks. I'm not that tiny, I'm just a condensed woman."

To be honest, I wasn't a dwarf but not that tall either. Maybe smaller than Sera but only from a few centimeters.

"Don't worry, Herald, you may be a bit small but you're a tiger on the battlefield, I saw it with my own eyes" said Krem.  
"She is, but she's also a shy woman. She doesn't want to hear about the time I had sex with a tiny woman." pouted Bull.  
"Nobody wants to hear about your sexy times, chief, she's right to cover her ears. There."

As the lieutenant said this, he covered my ears with his hands too. I sighed and said :

"I feel like a child in a freak show right now. Thank you, Krem, but I can do it alone."  
"Oh…" he began and removed his hands, a bit sad. "By the way, talking about a show, Sera wanted to see you at the tavern. She wants you to sing for her and master Tethras too, he said."  
"Right, she asked me yesterday. Blackwall was curious too, saying he wanted to hear what the Herald was doing before becoming… Well, the woman who survived an explosion and apparently saw the Divine Justinia just before her death."

I left the axe in the middle of the training field and walked towards the tavern but stopped after a few steps. I had seen Krem's face earlier and I had the perfect idea to bring a bright smile back on his face. I couldn't leave Bull either, since he tried to teach me how to wield a battle axe.

"Hey, want to join us at the tavern? You're both welcome and… I offer you a pint."

As I thought, they both cheered like children getting a new toy and followed my lead. On our way, we met Varric who did as well and then Blackwall, saying he was searching for me because Sera asked him to do it.The more, the merrier! 

Blackwall was the last one who joined our ranks, a Grey Warden in desperate need of action to defend the weak, even though darkspawns still appeared, even after the end of the Blight. He was a mysterious man with one hell of a beard and a deep voice but he seemed friendly, behind this ruffian side. We had already discussed about his missions and shared our worries about the Breach so, in a way, I felt at ease with him.

 

"Riv… Herald!" called Sera, correcting herself before saying my name.  
"Come on, Sera… I've already told you you can call me by my name and not as "Herald". Actually, I'd rather everyone called me Riva, or even Rivanòn than Herald but oh well." I said to her as we entered the tavern.

She jumped at my side and elbowed me with playful eyes. I already knew what she wanted and shrugged. I went to the counter and beckoned Flissa, the innkeeper, while the team was sitting down at a table.

"Hello Flissa, could we have a pint of ale for each of us? And can I borrow your lute please?"  
"'Course you can, Herald, you're very welcomed to use it." she answered.  
"Please, don't be so formal, it's a bit embarrassing... "  
"Oh… But you're the Herald of Andraste, Her messenger, I must treat you with respect, don't I?"  
"Well… I'm not Empress Celene or the Divine, I'm a woman just like you. I won't order you to be whipped in public just because you didn't called me Herald or was a bit cold. See? I respect you but I'm not formal at all."

I heard a shout in my back and another, coming from my rowdy mates with pointy ears and horns.

"Riva, I have a dry throat!" said Sera.  
"She's right, boss, I feel really dehydrated right now, save us from the drought." added Bull.  
"C'mon, you're not children, you can wait a bit, can't you?"  
"Nope." answered the elf with a big smile.

As she heard that, Flissa went to the small storeroom next to the counter and gave me a lute and a flute. She then prepared our pints while I went to our table and sat with my instruments. 

"Two thingies?" asked Sera, apparently impressed.

I didn't want to boast but I still answered like I was.

"Yeah, since I was little, I have learnt to play many instruments. My mother said I was gifted and I could learn anything. I can play these two but also the bagpipe and the violin. I prefer the violin but it's not really common so…"  
"I tend to forget you're a filthy noble sometimes." pouted Sera.  
"It's amazing how a tiny person like you can remember so many things, boss." added Bull, followed by Blackwall :  
"I agree with the Iron Bull, the more I learn about you, the more I find myself in awe. You're young, you have seen many people and countries and know many things. Are you sure you're not an old woman who stole a younger body?"

I raised an eyebrow at this hypothesis.

"I would have to be a witch from the wilds, you know? And I'm not a witch. Nor am I an old lady. I just slept with a demon and signed a blood pact with it to gain eternal youth and infinite knowledge."

Sera spit on the ground at these words and we all looked at her, surprised.

"I hate this bullshit, don't joke with it when I'm here, Riva."  
"I… Sorry, I didn't know, I won't do it again, Sera.

Flissa brought our ale while we fell awkwardly silent. We all drank a bit, waiting for someone to break the silence. We were supposed to have fun but I did shit. Well, how could I have known she didn't like demons and all to this extent? I wasn't fond of them either but I still could joke about them. Krem coughed a bit and finally spoke as if nothing happened. At this instant, I could have asked him to marry me, just for this reason.

"So, Herald, why don't you show us what you can do?"  
"Yeah, I've heard you were an entertainer before the Conclave. But you're a noble too… Isn't it weird to be both?" asked Bull.  
"I had some… Circumstances at home. I am from the house Trevelyan, I am a noble, but I'm more of a traveler. I belong to a traveling company since I was hmm… Seventeen, so almost eight years now. My parents asked me to go to the Conclave as a representative and fortunately, they didn't send my brother too, as they first wanted."

I stopped for a moment, thinking how he could have been dead and shivered. Varric patted my back with a smile.

"He's alive, Herald, don't worry."  
"Oh I worry every day that I will learn about his death because of some crazy fucker who wanted to play with magic. But well, life still goes on and here we are, supposed to laugh and not have dark thoughts. And my bro isn't defenseless either"  
"Indeed! So you played some music, did you do other things too?" asked Blackwall.  
"Yes, I sing, I dance, I do some acrobatic tricks too. Actually, it depends on where we are. We can't sing pirate songs in front of Orlesian nobles."  
"Acrobatics? Then you're flexible? Must be quite the show in bed with you, Herald!" said Bull joyfully.

I did the long face and Krem, just at my left, covered my ears again, too late.

"Yeah, I'm an amazing sex-crazed, flexible woman with my non-existent partner."  
"Eh, don't sulk, you're also an amazing woman, you'll find someone in no time." Bull tried to make amend. "It's cute how you're so shy about this. I'll try to soften my words but don't expect too much."  
"It's ok, I'll be used to it in no time. It's… Well, let's talk about something else, I'm indeed shy about this subject. Especially in front of everyone." I laughed awkwardly. 

Sera banged the table with her fists, startling everyone. She stared at me and almost shouted.

"I want to hear you play, Riva, not hear about your sex moves. Well, I'm interested in it too, but right now, I want some music!"  
"Hold on to your breaches, my lovely Sera, I'll make you faint with my skills then. Musically speaking, of course."

They all burst in laugh and I grabbed the lute, tuning it for a while. I didn't warm my voice up but oh well. I began with a song about the wife of a fisher, weeping each time he sailed on the seas. It was a bit of me in this song, but about my twin brother and I. We both really liked this one because it reflected our fear of losing each other when we were separated for too long. Except that at the end, the fisher was found dead and the wife jumped in the sea to join him in death.

I looked up and everyone around looked back at me. Was it too sad for a beginning? Even people I didn't know were staring.

"Hmm… I should have picked a brighter song, right?"  
"No no." began Krem, his voice a bit hoarse. "It was just really beautiful and I didn't expect you, the Herald of Andraste, to sing so well."  
"What? What does singing have to with me being the Herald?"  
"It seems you don't realize how people idolize you or fear you, or both at the same time. For most of us, you survived an explosion in which everyone else died and now you're facing the Chantry, one of the most powerful institutions in Thedas. Before meeting you, I pictured you as an almighty woman with a sword forged in a thunderbolt, blood of your enemies splattered on your face."

Fortunately, I had left the lute on the table because when Krem described me like this, I put my two hands on my mouth to hold my laughter, in vain. Me, a bloodthirsty woman? I was laughing so hard that tears began to form in the corner of my eyes. Actually, all of us were in the same state.

"Maker's breath, Krem, you made my day." I said between two coughs. "How surprised you must have been when you were faced with me, a tiny woman with freckles and only two scars on the face."  
"Hey, when we fought on the Storm Coast, you had blood on your face because of this man you sliced! But it's true that when I first saw you in Haven, I was…"  
"Disappointed? Excited? Come on, kid, don't hesitate here." pushed Varric.  
"I found her really sweet compared to my imagination, that's it." Krem retaliated abruptly.

Blood rushed instantly to my face and the Chargers' lieutenant wasn't any better. I heard whistles and hurrays but didn't look anyone in the face. I just wanted to hide in the smallest corner of Earth at this moment. Really, sweet? It was better than bloodthirsty but the last one was less embarrassing, at least.

"By the way, our sweet Herald here once told me she knows how to walk on her hands. Who wants to see her flexibility?" asked Sera as she put both her arms up.

A sea of arms went up in an instant and I silently thanked the elven woman with a look, even though I didn't really want to show this. That, and I had heard her taunt. I invited them outside because it was too narrow and dangerous in the tavern : I could hurt myself if I did one wrong move. Once we were in front of the tavern, I warned them.

"I am not warmed up enough to do something really spectacular, even though I was training with Iron Bull a while ago, so I'll only show you my basic moves."

Sera jumped like an excited child and I read the expectation in everyone's look. I felt like a freak but oh well, if it could help them thinking about something else.

I gained momentum and got on my hands first, strengthening every needed muscles here and walked for a short while. I heard my elf friend applauding, apparently delighted by my not-so-amazing performance. I stopped at one point, standing straight on my hands and brought my left foot on the ground, almost a meter behind my head. Then, carefully, my right foot joined the left one and my body formed an arched bridge. Again, it wasn't so hard for me and I wanted to show off a bit more of this unique flexibility. I moved my hands forward, and in the end, my head and torso were between my legs. I put my elbows on the ground, cheeks in my hands and smile at them from down there. Bull had the funniest face of the group, with big, round eyes, staring at my position. Who's the sexiest flexible woman now? I grinned at him and he did the same, thumb up. Sera was dumbfounded, trying to make sense of my arching. Pushing on my elbows and my forearms, I lifted my legs with no apparent effort and my body was now in an inverted candle. Arm by arm, I went back on my hands and then on my two feet, in a normal stance. As if I was in a real show, I bowed before them in a theatrical way and smiled brightly at them, a bit proud of me. They applauded with strength and we went back in the tavern, sitting again at our table where our ale was waiting.

"You're sure you don't want to test my own skills in bed, Herald?"  
"You should have seen your face back there, Bull. I thought you had two sunny-side up eggs instead of eyes. But I'm sorry, I have to decline your generous offer."  
"I want a good reason."  
"Because I need her to be a virgin maiden for my future book!" answered Varric in my stead.  
"Yeah, that's the reason! I can't be tainted, I have to stay an unsullied maiden til the end."  
"So, when it all ends, be my guest boss." insisted Bull, laughing.

I knew he was joking so I tried to feel confident and followed.

"You're too bulky for me, I will break in two and I'd rather live when everything will end."

If we see the end of this shitty situation, I thought for myself. I wasn't really a pessimist but everything seemed so dark at the moment that I was wondering how we could seal the Breach for good, even with the help of the mages or the templars. What about the voice we had heard in the temple of Sacred Ashes? The one talking about sacrificing the Divine. Actually, I didn't think that sealing the Breach would end everything but I had to stay positive. After all, I was the Herald of Andraste.

"Herald?" called a voice.

I blinked and focused on the voice. It was Blackwall, on the other side of the table, who was calling me, worried.

"You didn't answer, are you alright?"  
"Yes, I was just lost in thought, sorry. What did you say?"  
"I was asking if you wanted to play something again. Maybe a joyful song? The first one was really wonderful but a bit sad."  
"We all need some joy right now, don't we?" I asked, smiling feebly.  
"Yeaaaah, joy! Something that you sing when you're in Orlais! " gleefully shouted Sera, a bit drunk.  
"I haven't warmed my voice up either, I can't do that."  
"Don't tell me you sing like those sissy-pants actors in plays?"

I pursed my lips. "I do sing like that in front of Orlesian nobles. I'd rather sing like a peasant but we have to make a living."  
"Pleaaase, I wanna hear ya sing like this. Pretty please, oh sweet Herald from house Trevelyan."

I muffled a laugh. I could see hearts escaping from Sera's eyes and mouth. It was going to be hard to sing like this with no warm up and without the company. I grabbed the lute again, stood up and began scratching the strings. Note after note, I set a mysterious atmosphere up. I wanted a magical, musical waterfall and then, I sang. Clear, high and different from our "peasants" tales or from the fisher's wife story. The song didn't have any lyrics, just me vocalizing but even then, I did as best as I could. The composer wanted to picture an enchanting world with pure, angelic beings. Unfortunately, as I had said, I didn't warm up enough and at one point, my voice refused to go up and I coughed like crazy.

"Sorry, it's all I can do right now." I excused myself.  
"It was beautiful." simply said Blackwall.  
"You could try to bewitch everyone with your voice, boss. People would love each other, you close the Breach with your singing, end of the story. No war anymore, peace for all." joked Iron Bull.  
"I could, yes, but I think they'd be afraid I'm a siren or a witch."  
"You're our siren. The Herald of Andraste is an unsullied siren!" chanted Varric.

I sighed and smiled at the same time. I turned to Sera and was going to ask what she had thought of my song but saw her sleeping on the table, her nose almost touching her pint.

"At least, I know I can put people to sleep thanks to my voice!"

We all laughed, except the sleepy head and decided to let her rest on the table. I asked Flissa to bring me a blanket and put it on Sera's shoulders, we then all left her here and resumed back to our activities. The guys praised my skills again and Blackwall told me one more time he was impressed, now that he knew me a bit more. In my opinion, I was just your average entertainer but at least, they seemed pleased. I warmly thanked them because for this short moment, I had stopped being the "Herald of Andraste" and became just me, Riva Trevelyan, again.


	6. A dangerous truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Again, sorry for the delay, I had some games keeping me away from writing... x) This time, I tried to change the tense from past to present because it is easier for me, since English isn't my first language. I hope you won't be disturbed by this (and I also hope I didn't make too many mistakes haha...)
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

It is dark outside the tent, only the campfire tears the night veil. Everyone is sleeping, I suppose. Everyone, except me. I am tossing and turning in my bedroll, thinking about too many things at the same time. My head feels like it is about to burst, I need some air right now. I put on my travelling clothes, I gird my sword on and head out of my tent, careful not to wake anyone. I need to be alone, I cannot afford to be seen. Unfortunately for me, the moon is high and full tonight and shines brightly in the sky, not far from the glow of the Breach. For once, it is not raining on the Storm Coast… Well, I have to be discrete. I am not a rogue but I know a bit about sneaking.

After a while and silent steps - as silent as they can be, I am far from perfect at this,- the camp is some meters behind me and I'm not even looking back. My head is a mess and my body is burning, I have no time to waste. I can already feel what I am desperately trying to hide emanating from my body so I hurry up. More, farther. I need to put more distance between me and the camp. I am not a threat, at least I hope, but some of my companions could feel what I am trying to hide. I am still wondering how my hidden truth has not been discovered before tonight…

I am still too close to the camp in my opinion but I feel like something inside me is about to explode. My hands are trembling, my legs are shaking but I still find some strength left to run. Run far from them and stay hidden for a while. But I have to do something or I am going to go into frenzy. My left hand crackles a bit but not from the mark. There are bluish sparks all around it, waiting to strike at any moment now. It cannot happen now… But it still does.

Then the perfect situation happens, thanks the Maker for this. I hear a wolf howling in the night, not far from me and a bear growling near it. The sound of the smallest animal makes me guess it's crying for help because it is injured and the biggest boy is attacking the wolf. I am not confident enough I can take down a bear by myself but right now, it is the best way to get rid of my overload. Yes, overload, it is a good name to call what I have at this moment. It does not happen much when I am on the roads with the company, because I don't have to hide it but being part of the Inquisition and considering the actual crisis, I must not tell the truth. I am too afraid of being casted away or just killed at once, for I am an apostate, like Solas or even Vivienne now.

I finally arrive in front of the two beasts and as I guessed, the wolf has an injury on its belly and the bear tries to make it flee.

"Well, Mister Bear, this wolf here won't go away easily with a wound this large, you know?" I say under my breath.

Just as I say that, the big, mean plushie turns around and faces me, growling. I haven't talked that loud but it seems it sensed me. The wolf howls again, probably calling its pack mates. Or maybe asking for my help, for what I know. I may have read many books but I've never learnt how to communicate with wolves. Too bad, I'd say, because I love them. I try to bypass the bear and go to the wolf's side but the first one stands on its back legs to intimidate me. I'm not saying I am totally fine in front of a big creature like this, but I want to save the little guy. Just in case, I cast a barrier on myself and the wolf out there and ready my magic. Just doing this little trick and I feel the lyrium in my veins dancing and flowing, like it is happy to be freed even for a split second. It has been a long time since I have used my magic… Except that one time when we met the Chargers on this coast and I casted a thin barrier to protect myself from a warhammer, I have never used my power once, not even when I was alone and the lyrium I took just before the Conclave was piling up in my body.

I take a few steps towards the wolf but then again, the bear threatens me on its back legs. It falls back on four legs and charges in my direction. For Andraste's sake, I am a healer first of all, not a battle mage! Just when needed, like right now. This big guy is probably too big to be paralyzed with only one spell but at least, I can zap it a bit. I load a lightning bolt in the palm of my hand and strike the bear the next second. It growls even more than before, in pain this time. I really don't like to hurt people or animals but it's this beast or me. And I quite like the living me. I cast again and again, freeing the lyrium from my body with each casted bolt. But it seems to anger it even more. If it was a human, I would say "come at me, I'm waiting" but a beast this huge… No, I am not crazy enough. I just wanted to frighten it but I have no choice anymore. I am not really good with fire magic except for one thing but oh well, I load some in my hands and imprison the bear in a circle of flames. The wolf seems afraid too, but it can't move an inch from its position. Sorry lad, I'm just trying to protect you, not burn you. The bear growls and tries to cross the circle, in vain. The flames are too high for him and I hope I can maintain it long enough.

I run to the wounded boy… Which appears to be a girl when I come closer and kneel at its side. I don't know what has hurt it like this but I guess there were some hunters around here. Behind my back, I can smell burnt hair and flesh and even though I don't like hurting other living beings, I do not falter. The bear has to stay in its prison if I want to heal the wolf. The former looks at me with fear, waiting to be killed or something like this so I try to reassure it.

"Hey, I know you can't understand me but I'm not here to hurt you, on the contrary."

I pat its fur far from the wound on its belly and see it doesn't growl back at my touch. At least, the wolf will not try to bite my hands, not for now. I notice it has lost a lot of blood and guess the girl must not feel very good. No wonder it cannot move at all. I came at a good time, I think. Then, I focus on the wound and try to forget the burnt smell and the sounds around me, my hands above the wolf's body. The cut isn't too deep, fortunately, just awfully long so I don't have to waste too much energy - and lyrium - on healing the inner, deeper parts of the belly. It has always been far easier for me to heal animals rather than humans, for an unknown reason. Each time I want to heal a human, I also have to do some stitches (or many, depending on the severity of the wound) and then cast my magic on it.

Suddenly, a burst behind me startles me and the terrible smell of burnt flesh comes to my nose. I stand up and turn in one go to see Solas, a few steps from me. His staff is drawn and the bear lies at his feet, dead. That's also how I feel inside. Dead. I am a dead woman. Solas may be an apostate himself but I have lied to the Inquisition. He has to say it to Cassandra and Leliana.

"I can explain." I say without thinking.

Explain what? Everything is obvious.

"We all have our secrets, Herald. Yours is a heavy one, it seems. I was wondering if what I felt when we met the Chargers was a figment of my mind or if you really used magic back then."  
"I… I…" I stutter, not knowing what to say, looking everywhere except at Solas.

Behind me, the wolf whines and tries to get back on its feets. I squat near it and try to make it stay still.

"No, no, no, you're still wounded, I'm not finished."

I hear the elf laughing a bit.

"You can talk to a wolf but the cat gets your tongue in front of me. I did not know I was scarier than this girl."  
"I am sorry, Solas but my biggest secret discovered isn't really a laughing matter. I don't know if you will denounce me or not but… Well, I am just like you, an apostate."  
"I won't do this. It is your choice and only yours to tell the truth or not. Our comrades will not be very pleased with this but I think they can understand, seeing the situation with the mages. And if you want my opinion, they will be more forgiving if you tell them now, of your own volition than if they discover it as I did just now." he advises me.

I frown and sigh while patting the wolf, strangely not that wild. I can hardly face Solas as I am now, ashamed and frightened of being casted away.

"You're right, Solas. Thank you for your wise words, as always. And first thing first, I am sorry for deceiving you like this."  
"You are indeed a cunning woman, but I am truly impressed that you managed to hide your abilities behind a shield and a sword. Especially from Cassandra or Cullen."

I sit comfortably at the wolf's side and begin to heal it again. I was almost finished earlier, now is just the finishing touch. I can almost feel Solas' gaze upon my back but I guess I owe him at least an answer.

"I also wonder how I was able to hide my magic all this time. And I have a sword in hand since I was a little girl, you know? Actually, I've never really liked holding a staff to cast magic. Magic comes from the guts, in my opinion, not from a stupid staff."  
"Your masters had to get angry with you many times in your circle, didn't they?" he asks.

I laugh nervously as I remember my childhood.

"I've never been in a Circle. I don't really want to talk about it now, one truth is enough. I'll just say for now that I had a phylactery, I had a master from the Circle of Ostwick but that's it."  
"It is ok, you have your reasons. Now I also understand why you are knowledgeable and curious about the Fade and many other subjects."  
"I'm a bookworm and I had to read many things I didn't really comprehend when I was young too. Now it proves useful."

The wolf wiggles under the hand patting its fur and now that it's healed, it runs away from us. I watch it flee under the cover of the forest with a tinge in my chest. I understand it is a wild animal but I always feel sad when they leave me after helping them. It's like watching my babies go away. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder and see Solas right at my side.

"I think the wolf was thankful. It didn't attack you." he says with a smile.  
"Do you read minds too?" I ask, in a slightly lighter mood than before.  
"No, I don't but your face tells everything. I'll say this again but you really are a compassionate woman, not just towards humans but wild creatures too. You tried to maintain the bear alive but luckily for you, I came at the right time and killed it when it was trying to attack you."

With all this, I have forgotten about the dead beast. My eyes fall upon its corpse and I sigh. It was either the bear or me and Solas has chosen in my stead. I wish I could have just make it flee but Fate wasn't with me.

"Thank you for saving my life, Solas." I simply say.  
"It was a pleasure. And now, I know you are a mage and I feel quite satisfied." he answers in a mysterious tone.  
"Satisfied? Of knowing my secret? Because we have something in common?"  
"You could say it like this, yes. And having a mage as one of the most important agents of the Inquisition is also a good thing. If you make your choices wisely, people will acknowledge mages are not monsters."  
"Ha!" I begin, sneering. "Easier said than done, my friend. I've traveled too and I've done magic tricks during our shows. People are either mesmerized or frightened. Sometimes both and it doesn't end really well. My brother is a Seeker like Cassandra, he wanted to embrace this path to protect me and I've always seen him push crazy people away from me, instead of control my lyrium flow. Mages are not monsters, even blood mages if they use it with a good purpose. People who attack us just because of what we are, because they cannot understand our power, are monsters. I may be a compassionate woman in your eyes but sometimes, I really feel like becoming the evil fiend they accuse me of being and burn them to ashes. I am not mad, Solas, I am tired of seeing injustice everywhere. Thanks the Maker I've never been in a Circle, otherwise I'd have turned totally crazy."

I fall silent again, noticing I may have gone too far in my words. But these are my thoughts, deep down. Anybody seeing me with a sword and a shield feels reassured. If they all saw me with a staff, what would they say? How would they act? But I have to make a choice, at least towards my closest companions in the Inquisition. The advisors and those I have recruited myself, those who trust me. I stand back up on my feet and meet Solas' gaze, mine filled with determination.

"If I don't wanna turn mad because of these thoughts eating me, I have to face them, right? I will talk to our companions and confess what I hid from them. You were right about telling them of my own free will."

He smiles at me and silently turn back to the camp. I follow him with the same attitude but look back a moment, to the woods where the wolf has fled. I don't know if it's a figment of my mind but I think the wolf is watching me, in the shadows of some trees, with three other pairs of eyes. I blink but the next second, there is nothing anymore. I frown and then look in front of me, staring at Solas' thin back. Knowing he is the first one to discover the truth comforts me and gives me strength. He may not be able to defend me, due to his status but… Well, he is a mage and he seems to accept me as one too.

 

* * * * *

 

I am restless, pacing in front of the war table while waiting for my companions. The sooner, the better : as soon as we came back from the Storm Coast, I called everyone and here I am. Solas is already here, sitting on a big chest with red leather straps. I wish I were as collected as him but my nervousness is real, almost palpable.

The door opens with a creak and my companions come pouring in, one by one. I've managed to keep still until now but I feel cold sweat on my neck and my hands are trembling. I try to smile, in vain. I know it is only a grimace. Some sit, some stay up. Bull comes right to me and grabs me by the shoulders with a wide grin. I don't think he expects what I am about to say.

"Sooo, Herald, what news will you give us that you had to call us all here. Are you pregnant? Have you found a way to close the Breach on your own, without any help? Or just found a way to keep peace everywhere in the world?"  
"If only I could, you would lose your job, Bull and many Qunari their purpose, like many soldiers actually."

He pouts and stands back, waiting with a weird look on his face. I guess he's read the grim tone in my voice. When everyone calms down, I face all of them, trembling from everywhere. My hands are all sweaty and cold, I feel short of breath but I have to talk. Now, or I will never do it.

"Before I say anything, I'd like you to know I have reasons to hide what I am about to say and I am really sorry if I hurt you in any way. I know I can't ask you to stay calm about this or accept it but… Well…" I breath in slowly and finally, I drop the bomb. "I am actually a mage, not just your average warrior."

A heavy silence falls in the room. Nobody dares to say a word and they just stare at my face, trying to gauge if I am joking or not. Cullen frowns hard, Cassandra's eyes look like saucepans, Leliana has her usual poker face on, Blackwall looks at me in awe - even though I don't know if he's worshipping me or despising me - and… Sera is the first one to react. Brutally, I'd say. She literally throws her chair at my head but, weirdly enough, misses me and runs out of the room by slamming the door. I watch the remains of the chair - may it rest in peace,- and then my other companions.

"I am really sorry for announcing it like this, for hiding it since the beginning but… I… Being an apostate isn't really the easiest thing to tell to your companions. Especially after being accused of blowing up the Conclave."  
"It's not one of your jokes, then." states Cassandra.  
"Why would I joke about this?" I ask, a brow raised high.  
"I admit, I am curious to see your powers, my dear." asks Vivienne with a genuine glint of eagerness in the eye.

I bite my lower lip as I watch everyone. Cullen is clearly displeased but doesn't say a word, waiting for my freak show. Should I, really? Leliana and Cassandra nod at my inquiring stare. I have some lyrium left in my body but I choose to cast only a small spell, nothing too threatening. I don't want to die on the spot because of a former templar or a Seeker. I focus my power in the palm of my hand and some bluish sparks begin to crackle joyfully. Hey there, my lovely babies, I've missed you during this time I couldn't use my magic. I assume it is enough so I calm my lyrium flow down and watch Vivienne.

"First and foremost, I am a support mage, not a battle mage but I still know how to cast offensive spells. Well, to be more accurate, I still use fire and ice magic but for my personal use, even though I've stopped doing this since I met you all after the Conclave."  
"Personal use?" asks suddenly Solas, really curious.

I have already forgotten I haven't told him everything about my skills, he has every right to ask. Vivienne nods subtly too, followed by everyone. I feel like being interrogated again but this time, even though Cullen is upset, I don't feel threatened.

"Yeeees…? I mean, I've created a spell when I was young, to regulate my body temperature so I don't need any mantle or anything. You have seen me wearing them but I can actually stay without something covering my body. I mean, yes, I have to wear clothes!" I add as soon as I see Bull grinning and staring at me. I can imagine what's happening in his dirty mind and I cast imaginary bolts at him with my eyes. "It's just that if I am either here in this snow or in a desert, I can feel at ease anytime."  
"What an interesting spell, can you teach me how to cast it, Herald? I want to get rid of these pants, as I did for my shirt." asks Bull gleefully.

I hear a disgusted noise coming from Cassandra's and Vivienne's mouths and I hardly hold back a laughter behind my fist.

"Are you a saarebas, Bull? And even if I wanted to teach you, I couldn't. I couldn't teach Solas or Vivienne, I think. Anyway, I really am very sorry for hiding the truth. After all that has happened, I feared you would cast me away for being an apostate and… I didn't want that. I want to help you, I swear it again."

Cassandra stands up and put both her hands on the war table, watching me in the eyes.

"I believe you, Herald. You have proved yourself in battles and even though I find it weird for a warrior to also be a mage, I believe you. But I also have to warn you : as a Seeker, I will do everything in my power to stop you if you become uncontrollable."  
"I know and I thank you for this. Actually, my brother is just like you, a Seeker and he vowed to stop me too. I hope you will do it if the time comes, Cassandra. Don't make me a Tranquil, kill me right on the spot."

I feel the bewilderment in many eyes around me. Asking to be killed is not that hard for me, I prefer that than to be stripped of my emotions and desires and live as an empty shell. Life must be colourful, not tasteless. Those who were sitting on something are already up and they all tell me not to worry too much, that it may be the right timing to tell the truth or, for Cullen, that he feels a bit betrayed but he still forgives me. He also adds that he will be watching over me. I don't know if it is a threat or something sweet but I go for the latter, even if I am totally mistaken. I will go talk to him later but before, I have to clear everything with Sera… Solas is the last one to leave the room. He turns to me and smile mysteriously.

"You have done well, Herald. I hope we can discuss about magic and Fade together again."  
"With pleasure, Solas. I am always eager to learn new things, it keeps the mind bright and young."  
"I quite appreciate your way of thinking." he simply says, still smiling lightly.  
"Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go save a friendship with another elf and I feel she won't like my way of thinking."  
"I wish you luck then."

We leave the room and go our separate ways. Fortunately enough, Sera is so angry that she is easy to track. Right in the tavern, probably drinking a pint to digest the news. I understand her reaction since she has said once she doesn't like mages and everything about magic. More like she hates all this. I am afraid to face her but if I don't do it now, she will run away before I have time to explain. Or shoot an arrow right between my eyes.

As soon as she sees me, as I expected, she stands up brutally, knocking her chair down and runs outside the tavern. I have seen her eyes darting at me and I have felt my heart sunk a bit. Everyone has more or less accepted the truth but Sera… She is my friend and it is exactly what I was afraid of before confessing I am a mage.

"Sera!" I shout, drawing all attention from the patrons.

She doesn't stop one bit, on the contrary.

"Sera, wait! Please!" I almost cry as I run after her.  
"No, I don't want to!" she answers in the same tone, her voice broken.

She doesn't utter a word anymore and I run after her outside Haven. I pass by Krem but I don't have time to answer his questioning look. As much as I shout, she flees like I am a demon hunting her. Well, I guess I am a demon in her eyes now… I feel a tinge in my heart again, maybe because of my short breath, maybe because of something else. Maybe both.

"Sera!" I manage to say between two coughs. "Please, I can explain or apologize, anything that makes you feel better. You can even punch me if you want, I don't care but stop running away."

Suddenly, she stops and falls on her knees, totally out of breath.

"Go away!" she cries. "It makes me sick to breath the same air as a freak!"

Her hysterical tone makes me think she doesn't talk rationally and it helps me stay calm. When I arrive at her side, her hands are gripped on her face, as though she wants to hide from a monster and her shoulders shiver. Is she crying? I want to touch her but I should not, it is not wise. She coughs a bit but doesn't budge an inch from her prostrated position. I sit in front of her, far enough to not be slapped or something like this and I try to speak in a peaceful tone.

"Sera… I am sorry I've hidden this from you all. I know an apology can't excuse what I have done but I've never chosen to be a mage. If I could, I think I'd rather get rid of this magic but it is impossible. Well, it is but I really don't want to be made tranquil. I know you're afraid of magic and I can't take this fear from you but I hope you will forgive me, with time, and that you won't be afraid of me. I asked Cassandra to kill me if I even lose control for a second and I can ask you the same.  
"You see, I was afraid of telling you the truth because of your fear… I too am afraid of something about magic : I am scared of being casted away because of this very magic you fear and I understand why. But just because you don't understand something, you must fear it. It is what led us to the rebellion of mages. And also, you're my friend, Sera. Before telling you everything, I felt at ease with you. I could be Riva the warrior, Riva the child, Riva the unruly, even though in the back of my mind, I knew that hiding it was wrong. Even if we don't go back to being the friends we were, even though we don't know each other for very long now, I hope you will try not to be afraid of me. After all, you talk to Solas casually. Well, more like you taunt him every time you speak together but it is another thing. I'd be happy if you taunt me as well, actually. Just… Look at me, please. Don't hide, I won't turn into a monster if you look at me and you won't be cursed either."

Behind her hands, she spits on the snow but I notice her shivering has calmed down. And from behind these hands, I hear her shaking voice.

"I'm not afraid of you, you're just a fricking freak! But yes, I'm hella hurt by you not telling me the truth. I don't like magic but that doesn't mean I won't like you! As you've said, I talk to Solas and I like getting on his nerves. I wanna kick your ass so hard but right now, I don't have the strength for it, so if I ever see you cast a dangerous spell in front of me, I will. Oh yes, I will do it twice or as much as it takes to drill it into your pretty little head of yours."  
"Well, if it helps you feel better, my butt is yours to kick. And if I don't take you with me on the battlefield, you won't see my spells, right?" I say, laughing a bit.  
"Oh no you won't, I really want to kick your ass. With my hands." she says, sniffling and smiling at the same time, eyeing at my butt.  
"Come on, Sera, if you do, I will have to punish you. Real hard, with icy handcuffs and all."

She bursts into a nervous laugh and falls in the snow.

"Oh shit, I didn't expect the prude you to say something like this! Iron Bull would be so shocked he'd lose his horns. When I'll tell him…"  
"No you won't!" I quickly cut her.  
"Yes I will. He'll tease you so much, it will be my punishment, freaking mage." she threatens with a smirk.  
"Maker… Yes, it will be a punishment indeed. If someone ever learns lady Trevelyan is actually a big pervert, the Inquisition is done for, the big baddie wins and the world ends in depravity and all."  
"End of the story. So before it happens, let's fuck all we want!"  
"Oh my… Sera, I am so very shocked by your behaviour. You should not talk like this, you are a fine lady!"

She answers with a finger in her nose and then waves it in front of my face.

"I am indeed a fine lady, a generous one at that. Do you wanna share a bogey with me?"

I stay silent for a bit, all poker-faced but can't hold a laughter anymore. Sera follows and we lay on the snow like two children. It is so good to let everything go like that and I will never admit it in front of her but I would have been very hurt and sad if she hadn't forgiven me. Still, I have to ask clearly.

"So… Sera? Does it mean you've forgiven me? Or at least, I don't frighten you?"  
"Well, I'm happy to count another freak in my circle of weird friends. Just don't do anything too bizarre in front of me or on me and I will not kill you on the spot." she says harshly.  
"I'll try to remember it. The only thing I'll cast on you is a barrier if some crazy guy tries to kick your ass. I'd be sad if you get hurt."

I sigh for a bit and watch the sky. I don't know how much time has passed but I simply say this :

"Thank you for being my friend, Sera, it means a lot to me."

Instead of answering with words, she lifts her arm and puts her thumb up with a smirk on her face.

We stay for a long time here like it is just the two of us in our own little world. No Inquisition, no Breach, no hard feelings. Just an elf and a human sharing this simple but important moment.


End file.
